i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you would pick up someone in the library
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
