I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
