my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
