and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
