1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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