Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Congratulations! We have a period
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
