He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
