i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't deserve a penis
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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