what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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