this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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