GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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