dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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