I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
