I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
