I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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