Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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