Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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