I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I can text with my tongue
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
