I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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