happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
