i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
