Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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