I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
