I wish my penis had an off switch
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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