you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
