bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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