my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
