So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
