The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
