sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
