I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
