Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
