you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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