I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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