1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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