Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
