Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
