So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
