New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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