Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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