i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Randomize
