I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
