she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
