some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
