ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
