YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
