Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
