bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
