Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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