I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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