Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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