i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We left the knife in your bed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
