Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
