i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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