I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think people are normalizing furries
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
