His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
