Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
