college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
