i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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