i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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