Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
