Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
