Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
