Need sex. Gaining weight.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
