I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
